[Her-Story] Selamat Hari Raya, Abah


This piece is written unedited after what happen during one Hari Raya visit. And, yes…the verses of the Quran about parents keep rhyming in my head for a while. Alhamdulillah, after all this years, it might be a good time to forgive and accept. To quote Hlovate, “Everybody has a past, everybody lives a present, everybody deserves a future.”

Some Hari Raya stories,
are not as beautiful as we want it to be.
Embrace it, and we’ll be happy.

To my father,
This is the tenth Hari Raya you are not here.
Wow! Actually, I’m quite surprised
I don’t really counting myself how many years had passed.

I recalled myself crumbled on one of your birthday
Weeping all night, studying in grief
I ask you to come to my school
And you said no, quite clearly because mom’ll disapproved it.
Is it so?
You can sneak out to meet your girlfriend but not to meet your child?
I was sixteen. I needed my father.

And this Hari Raya, they said we are terrible children
For not searching for you
For stop thinking about you
For disregarding the fact that you are still alive
somewhere in town.

I wonder,
Have you spent at least a second per day thinking about us?
Picturing us growing, maturing, thriving?
If you ask me, I do so think about you
Each time I encounter a happy father and his child,
They remind me of my time with you
All until the last time we stumbled upon each other,
You failed to recognize me as your own kid.
And so,
Who is terrible now?

Tell me,
Is it not horrible to let your kid begging their father to just come home?
Is it not horrible to neglect nurturing your nagging kid into a responsible adult?
Is it not horrible to withhold your new contacts from your kid?
Is it not horrible for you to finally made your kids gave up on you?
Is it not horrible for your actions that made they think your kids are terrible not you?

To my father,
We’re all grown up today
We’re all out of school and starting to bring comfort to mom,
who have suffered a lot back then.
Only if you realized this day is coming
You’ll regret what you have been missing.
This Hari Raya is a great Hari Raya for us,
Apart of visiting them.

I do of course,
Acknowledge your kindness and greatness
Your excitement to celebrate my birthday, finding me a cake and so,
Your expenses of waiting me at the school gate on my earlier days at high school,
Your delightful approach of comforting your moping child,
Your hug and smile, your support and comfort…

And for that reason,
I forgive you and I accept the past.

And I hope so,
Deep in your heart you really want to come home
Deep in your heart you regret what you have done
Deep in your heart you are missing us all along
Deep inside you is a very good father.

Find some space to forgive me
Of writing this, outpouring all I’ve been feelings
Despite me, myself have not been a good kid to you
while you were around.

Some Hari Raya stories,
are not all about forgiving and forget
Sometimes it is about forgive and accept
We’ll be glad insha-Allah.

Selamat Hari Raya, Abah.

-simply written unedited on August 2014.

“Dan Tuhanmu telah memerintahkan agar kamu jangan menyembah selain Dia dan hendaklah berbuat baik kepada ibu bapa. Jika salah seorang di antara keduanya atau kedua-duanya sampai usia lanjut dalam pemeliharaanmu, maka sesekali jangan engkau mengatakan kepada keduanya perkataan ‘ah’ dan janganlah engkau membentak mereka, dan ucapkanlah kepada keduanya perkataan yang baik.”     [al-Isra’ 17:23]

“Dan rendahkanlah dirimu terhadap keduanya dengan penuh kasih sayang dan ucapkanlah : Wahai Tuhanku, sayangilah keduanya sebagaimana mereka berdua telah mendidik daku pada waktu kecil.”     [al-Isra’ 17:24]


Jengka, Pahang.





About tanah

Just Allah's slave. seeking for a truth over a truth, love over love, strength over a strength, barakah over barakah, mardhotillah over mardhotillah and heaven after world.
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